i dreamt today. 7 years of dreamless sleep yielded a night of dreams, half of which i could not even remember... but one.



it was like meeting with a ghost, only in the hallways of some obscure building. the only thing i could say when i saw her was, "hello."

she stood there, looking at me as if i was the apparition that came out from nowhere. "i have to be somewhere." she immediately resumed her walk to the opposite direction, only to be caught by my arm, blocking her way.

"where to? i can come with you if you want." with that i looked into her eyes, hoping to find the happiness i was expecting. there was none.

"you don't have to. i just have to go now." sensing a slight uneasiness, i took my hand out of the way and let her through. it was a moment before she started walking again, as i slowly let my eyes wander down to the floor.

turning around, "aren't you afraid of being alone, to where you're going?" i cautiously asked, the tears almost brimming in my eyes. although she didn't want me along, i yearned to stay with her, to wherever she wanted to go.

she stopped in her tracks, a few feet away from me. she slowly looked straight into my sorrowful eyes and said... "i will never be alone." and with a smile, she turned and walked away from me.

she was gone.

i was left standing in the middle of an empty corridor, in an empty world, filled with sorrow and fear, in a place that was not my own. and it was then, within the sterility of the white walls of the corridor, that i woke up.



conflicted as i was, i could not deny the truths that i learned from that dream. the girl so vividly portrayed in my dream was an important part of my past, a past that i thought i had already stored in my "done, over" part of my head. the fact that she's engaged, to be married soon, only strengthens the efficacy of the dream.

"i will never be alone."

it was a two-pronged fork stuck into my throat. the most obvious was her soon to be husband was a very good man, and will probably take care of her the rest of her life. i met with him when they came back from the US, and i believe he will do an outstanding job as a husband.

of course, i cannot help but feel bad about this. after all, i truly loved her.

but what struck me the most was how she put it. "i will never be alone." impossible, i might say. but knowing how god-fearing she was, i somehow know what she means.

as much as i'd want to believe her...



i still feel so very much alone.